What Are My Cats Really Thinking?

Originally Posted 5/19/09

My cats amuse me on so many levels. I especially love it when they simply stand and stare at ... nothing. You know exactly what I'm talking about, right? They appear completely zoned-out, stuck on a layover in feline-la-la-land. My favorite position for this meditative pose is when they stare at a blank wall. What do they see? Are they visualizing a fresh paint job? Perhaps they are focusing their telekinetic powers to create a hole in the wall so they can escape to the outdoors, eat lots of grass and throw up on my entryway rug. Or maybe their thoughts are much like Homer Simpson's...you know, hula dancers and old timey cartoons of cows on a see-saw. Here are a few thought bubbles that I'm certain are floating above the fuzzy brows of my kit-kats:

Phoebe: I'd really like a good, long sniff of Cosmo's butt right now.

Cosmo: Is it possible to somehow open the cabinet doors above the fridge and confiscate the treat jar? Better ask for Phoebe's help on this one.

Saffy: Can I somehow slip my large, sheep-like grey body past Mom and Dad and eat the rest of Phoebe's breakfast?

Phoebe: Why does Saffy always eat my breakfast?

Cosmo: My mouth feels especially moist today.

Saffy: *cartoon mice on a see-saw*

Phoebe: I hope the humans don't find my secret stash of stolen bracelets and Little Debbies.

Cosmo: Why does the boy-child insist on holding me like a doll? I wish there were magical, free treat dispensers located in each room of this house. I wonder what Mama's doing right now. I hope she's buying that baby Snugli to carry me in. I love her so much. My mouth is really moist.

Saffy: I'm hungry. I wonder if there are any goodies on the kitchen counter. Does Phoebe have any breakfast left over in her bowl? I think I feel a hair ball coming on. *cartoon mice on a see-saw*.

Phoebe: Cosmo is in the other room and I can still smell his butt. Yum.