Where Do I Apply??

I sometimes think about some of the cool jobs that are out there -- you know...the ones that seem too fun to be true. I hear about these vocations and think, "This is a job?? For real??" I think I would do very well taste-testing ice cream or concocting the games and puzzles on the back of cereal boxes. People get paid good money to do these kinds of things and I'm a little bit jealous. I possess a bounty of skill and experience in an abundance of areas. Here are just a few of the positions for which I am highly qualified:

• Advanced List Maker (relaxed applicants need not apply)

• Silly Haiku Poet (deranged sense of humor and too much time on your hands required)

• Leftover Food Identifier (housework procrastination skills required)

• Feline Vomit Locator (past experience stepping barefoot in cold/warm piles of cat puke a bonus)

• Excellent Parking Spot Securer (parallel parking not required)

• Giada de Laurentiis Smacker (access to a large cast iron skillet required)

• Project Starter (follow-through not required)

• Cat Belly Pillow Inventor (unhealthy obsession with rubbing your face in cat bellies a plus)

• Old Sitcom Episode Identifier (childhood sitting in front of the TV required)

• Random, Spontaneous Singer/Dancer (skill not required)

Where do I apply??