Coupon Clipping -- Cirque du Silly Style

I enjoy a good grocery coupon. Lately, perhaps because of the economy, I've noticed coupons seem more valuable, dare I say...exciting? The "buy one get one free" variety are my favorites; my breathing almost changes when I see those in the Sunday paper. Also of note are the "buy one, get another for a penny." Isn't it odd, though, that the store/manufacturer just wouldn't give the second one away for free? Do those pennies really add up? Maybe they do. If a million people each used that coupon, those pennies would add up to.... *attempting math in head, attempting math in head -- really, Angie???* My fine friend, the calculator, tells me that the answer is $10,000, which is significant. Alas, I digress...

Mother's Day is known as a holiday where a mama might receive a coupon book from her children. On the stapled, safety scissor-cut coupon squares, she might find amazing deals for "one hug," or "one chore of your choice," or "breakfast in bed." I was recently thinking about the kind of coupon book I'd like to receive -- not from my kids, but from the Universal powers that be (insert you name of choice here). Don't laugh, these are magical coupons! You should know by now that half of what I write is manufactured in the Cirque du Silly that is my brain.

#1 One day of supernatural sewing powers (on this day I'll just "know" how to sew anything and will work at superhuman speeds).

#2 One day of miraculous math ability (on this day, I'd do a crazy-cool job balancing the checkbook, creating a bull's eye budget, and finally help my 6th grader with his math homework).

#3 One free Samantha Stevens-style nose twitch (with this witchy twitch, I will create the cleanest house on the block...and threaten my children into making it last for more than five minutes).

#4 One Official Scrabble Player's Dictionary implanted into my brain (with my new-found word knowledge, I will amaze my friends and perhaps even take Nationals...)

#5 One day of tuning in telepathically with my cats (on this day, I will find out what Phoebe is saying with her incessant mewing and thieving, counsel Saffy on her poor self-esteem, and explore Cosmo's mother issues)

There! I could seriously fill my freezer with these deals!