It Takes a Village to Teach Me how to Make a Child's Poncho

I recently discovered Expert Village, a wonderous widget of websitery that houses videos from almost 3,000 experts on how to do most anything. Seriously... one can learn how to tighten bicycle brakes, make a child's poncho, or even how to correctly breathe when playing the didgeridoo. Heck, there may even be a video on how to do all three at the same time. I first discovered this storehouse of instructional enlightenment when I had questions about the construction of a table runner I was sewing as a Christmas gift. I am a visual learner and respond more quickly to being shown how to do something versus simply reading the words. And if you'd like anything assembled and only have instructions that involve pictures of screws and vague-looking oblong structures labeled A-ZZ, you'd be better off paying the small fee offered by IKEA to have your Bjursta sideboard arrive pre-assembled. Digression-Express to Älmhult aside, I must confess that the table-runner instructional video assisted me in creating a fantastic piece of festive finery somewhat suitable to perhaps even adorn the Martha Stewart Living endcap at K Mart. As I further perused the horn-of-"how-to"-plenty, I began to think about other types of instructional videos that may help me with my day-to-day dilemmas. Here are some suggestions I'd like to submit to Expert Village:

* How to stop Cosmo the cat from drooling all over me when I am sleeping
* How to predict if this is one of the days my son will like peanut butter
* How to stop my kids from growing so I don't have to buy new pants every 3.5 days
* How to teach clothes to fold themselves and dutifully drift to the designated dresser drawers
* How to burn 500 calories by playing Scrabble
* How to teach my cats to maintain their own litter boxes
* How to transfer the nutritional value of broccoli to brownies
* How to harness the energy of bickering children and use it to power my vacuum cleaner

Now where did I put my didgeridoo?