What to Expect When You're Exploding

I am the proud mother of two children - both single births. I gained about 25 pounds with each pregnancy and experienced the expected aches and pains that go along with housing another human in one's body for the better part of a year. That said, I have to say that my pelvis whimpers a little when I think about the woman in California who just birthed eight babies. Eight babies.... Holy Cats - that's a litter! Did she chew through the umbilical cords and lick them clean as well? Is she hiding ten taut teats underneath that hospital gown? Hard as I try, I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of eight tiny squatters squashed inside my uterus. Here are my thoughts on how "with child" is probably different than "with basketball team":

As if pregnant women don't already spend half their day in the bathroom... Can you imagine the constant pressure on the bladder with eight little bodies persistently poking and prodding? How much time can one spend on the toilet? Depends.

Maternity clothes have come a long way in terms of style and it's become fairly easy and affordable for a pregnant woman to dress beyond the dowdy dresses of previous decades. How does a woman carrying eight babies find something to cover her bulging belly? Maybe a stylish 1200 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheet with a head-hole slit in the middle?


Many women crave certain foods during pregnancy. I enjoyed a steady diet of pancakes my first time around and while expecting my second, I ate my way through an entire steer of steak. I can only imagine the cravings of a woman carrying octuplets - Would you like to supersize that?



I remember only being able to slide my swollen feet into a single pair of flip flops during the final months of pregnancy. The pressure on the tired tootsies supporting a mom of multiple-multiples must be magnified. A vision of hot dogs that have boiled a few minutes too long comes to mind. Eeek!

A single birth is mostly straightforward. Sometimes there are complications, but usually the new little person makes his or her entrance into this world pretty easily. A birth of eight must look somewhat like the door of a clown car opening; they just keep pouring out!


It's amazing that - as of today - all eight newly born babies are healthy and I sincerely hope that they'll grow into robust children with toothpaste-commercial grins who someday dress in matching outfits and sing sugary pop songs.



In the meantime, I look fondly back on my own single-birth pregnancies and smile. The crazy cravings, bladder bedlam, and hot dog toes were all worth it; and I just know a warm feeling will wash over this mother in California each time she sees a clown car.